So to start…a VERY bad Dr. Seuss imitation.  Because Dr. Seuss is awesome. 

 

Have you done many dungeons, or played in play places? 

Seen a bunch of black benches, or congregations of cages?   

I bet you’ve seen walls upon walls of wondrous whips, 

And all other manner of toys in your many night trips,

Canes, crackers and floggers, all hanging on hooks; 

And a bookshelf or two of night time picture books!

But what aren’t you seeing, what should always be there,

What you should look for (or should bring a spare),

Is a bag of the things that are listed below -

Or don’t then – ignore me; How would I know? 

In the wake of hurricane sandy, this topic is gonna seem a little tart.  Hopefully, you’ve already heard it.  Probably not this vinegary, though. 

Because the concept of preparing for emergencies, in my generation?  We suck.  We really, REALLY suck.  And that’s not a buck we get to pass along to Government, either.  PEMA?  FEMA?  Ready.Gov, ReadyPA, Gov. Christie’s staff?  They did an incredible job with what they had to work with.

I watched a neighbor set up his Halloween tombstone decorations while waiting for the storm.  Just left them out to become tombstone missiles for the storm.  I saw a woman open her windows to “equalize the pressure” (tip:  That really doesn’t freaking work – guess who’s buying new windows?). 

I watched with as people stocked up on things that were BLATANTLY stupid.  Portable DVD players, movies, a plug in space heater, and worse – bought for a loss-of-power emergency.  I bit my tongue as my future father-in-law searched on EBAY(!) for a portable generator, a few hours before the storm was due.  I saw SHELVES full of the RIGHT things for an emergency, sitting on sale. 

So.  My point.  This is aimed at my generation.  Although newer kinksters should consider it – and maybe experienced heads will find something worthwhile in here. 

Because the same level of preparation we gave Sandy, prior to a dungeon party?  That leads to us in the news.  Maybe nothing will happen.  Maybe you’ll make the news.  “BDSM related Death (News at 11)”. 

And the kicker?  Being prepared?  Really cheap, in comparison. 

These are some of the things you need in your emergency bag.  Or if you are playing at a dungeon that you don’t know already has them…bring your own. 

1.  An emergency blanket or a good micro-fiber blanket.   

For some people, coming down from play can mimic some symptoms of systemic shock (extreme thirst, temperature drop, shakes).   Have a warm, soft, easily washable (like with bleach, bodily fluids stain) blanket.   Size large, or bigger if you like playing with big boys and girls.   If you’ve had a class on first aid (and you SHOULD have, if you intend to be a Top worth playing with), then you know what to do when someone is shivery and thirsty. 

2.  Water bottles. 

Note – don’t try and be clever and pack a Brita filter bottle.  There’s zero guarantee that you’ll have access to potable water when you need it.  And you shouldn’t leave a dropping sub to refill it, either.  Pack a few 1 liter bottles – water goes fast. 

3.  Chocolate, pretzels, or some form of sugar or easy carbs. 

Nothing with nuts, fruit, or granola – too many people have allergies, and there’s no point in giving someone an allergic reaction after an otherwise sexy play time.  That’s a quick trip to a cold shower at the end of the night – and allergies aren’t exactly common “pre-play” discussion topics. 

4.  A medical kit. 

A real one, not a cheap Wal-Mart version that packs Band-Aids and ouch-less Bactine.  The Red Cross offers pretty decent ones intended for the home that are about the size of a throw pillow, and have the important bits in them, as well as a book of tips.  And do yourself a favor – take it out of the box and actually look through it.  Read the booklet.  If there are things in there you don’t recognize – Google is your friend.

5.  Scissors. 

EVERY rigger should know this, but every player, regardless, should have these.  Get a good pair of kitchen shears, the kind intended to cut rope or twine.  When someone is crashing in the middle of a scene?  Yeah, that’s not a good time to saw at their ropes with a cheap pair of scissors.  And no, a pocket knife won’t work.  Approaching a crashing bottom with a knife?  Yeah…sounds like a great idea.  Really.   

Maybe it works.  Maybe they have nightmares about knives for months after.  Why risk it?  Nobody ever had a nightmare about Suzie-Home-maker’s kitchen shears.  (Shut up.  Yes, I know Stephen King or R.L. Stine or whoever has probably done a book on kitchen shears.  Shut it.  I’ve a slap in my pocket with your name on it, heckler.)   

6.  Sorted pre-packaged pills. 

No, not Viagra and Cialis.  (Definitely not roofies, either.)  Pre-sealed, for everyone’s peace of mind.  You’ll want a few antacids, a few Tylenol (or generic), a few Aleve (or generic), and a few Midol (don’t cheap out on the generic here.)  Rough play can cause acid reflux, heavy exertion can cause headaches, swinging a flogger for an hour can kill any Top’s back, and the last one…well, that should be obvious.   

And while you’re at CVS getting this stuff?  Get some “feminine supplies”.  The physical stress of a good play session can actually kick off a period early – and nobody ever said a woman on her period won’t want a good beating too. 

7.  Bath robes. 

Yes, bath robes.  Think.  They cover you, when you’re cold.  They comfort you, when you’re shaky.  And what if wondering eyes should appear?  They’re a lot more useful than a sleigh and 8 tiny reindeer.  (I’m in a Christmas-y mood, okay?)  Bath robes take kinky nasty fetish wear and cover it quickly. 

Ever noticed that 90% of fetish gear can fit under a bath robe?  Yep.   The girl (Cassie) and I have answered the door to neighbors, census takers, and at least one cop in bathrobes, with leather and latex bits underneath.   A bath robe at Wal-Mart is $10.  Hiding your kink quickly?  Priceless. 

8.  Gloves.  And Chemicals.  (Not Chloroform, you wankers.) 

Get real gloves, 4+mils thick, not cheap gloves.  Think medical supply, not dollar store.  And a virucidal cleanser.   Because cleaning up bodily fluids should be done with gloves and chemicals, not with a cotton towel that is going to be used again at some point.   With our lifestyle, we almost always spill blood somehow.  It’s a given.  Maybe you know the health status of everyone at the party.  Maybe you don’t.  Zero risk means doing it right the first time, every time. 

Note…cleaning sex toys is different than cleaning play furniture.  Virucidal cleansers are great for cleaning most leather, wood and metal sex furniture.  I wouldn’t use them on sex toys – they’ll degrade (in most cases) the toy.  Use purpose-specific cleansers for those. 

9.  LED flashlights with fresh batteries.   

Don’t try and replace this with candles, either.  The temptation to use them for fun will guarantee that there won’t be any in the bag when you need them.  Personal experience talking here.   

I’ve had the power go out during a play party.  It was…interesting, groping around for the door, and trying to find a source of light somewhere in the house.  I was groping for the door, damn it, I swear!  (Mostly.)  Have a flashlight in the bag.  Less embarrassing.   (Less fun, but less embarrassing).   

10.  Sharps container. There are things that cut, stab, stain, and bleed during most of our kinds of play.  When you’re done with #8, or if you’re volunteering to help clean up a scene, you’ll want this.  You can find a good sharps container online cheap, even on Amazon these days.  Don’t cheap out and use a margarine tub – not worth the risk for an otherwise cheap amazon.com item. 

For disposal?  Contact your local pharmacy, or your local clinic, and let them know you have a sharps container from “home use” needles.  For your “diabetes”, or "*mutter*mumble*Use*cough*".  Some clinics, and a lot of hospitals, are happy to have you drop them off with theirs, for free.